Things We Left Unsaid Read online

  About the Author

  Zoya Pirzad is a renowned Iranian-Armenian writer and novelist. She has written two novels and three collections of short stories, all of which have enjoyed international success. Things We Left Unsaid has been awarded multiple prizes, including the prestigious Houshang Golshiri award for Best Novel of the Year and her most recent collection of stories, The Bitter Taste of Persimmon, won the prize for Best Foreign Book of 2009 in France. She grew up in Abadan, where this novel is set, and now lives in Tehran.

  Oneworld Fiction

  First published in English by Oneworld Publications 2012

  First published by Nashr-e-Markaz as râ man xâmush mi-konam, 2002

  English translation rights arranged through agreement with Zulma, France

  Copyright © Nashr-e-Markaz Publishing Company, Tehran, Iran, 2002

  Translation copyright © Franklin Lewis, 2012

  All rights reserved

  Copyright under Berne Convention

  A CIP record for this title is available

  from the British Library

  Paperback ISBN 978-1-85168-925-5

  ebook ISBN 978-1-78074-084-3

  This ebook edition first printed in 2012

  Oneworld Publications

  185 Banbury Road

  Oxford OX2 7AR

  England

  www.oneworld-publications.com

  Contents

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  32

  33

  34

  35

  36

  37

  38

  39

  40

  41

  42

  43

  44

  45

  46

  47

  48

  49

  50

  GLOSSARY

  1

  The sound of the school bus braking...the squeaking of the metal gate swinging open...the footsteps running up the narrow path across the front yard. I did not need to look at the kitchen clock. It was 4:15 p.m.

  As the front door opened, I wiped my hands on my apron and called out, ‘School uniforms, off; hands and faces, washed! And we don’t dump our satchels in the middle of the hallway.’ I slid the tissue box to the middle of the table and turned around to get the milk from the fridge, which is when I saw that there were four people standing in the kitchen doorway.

  ‘Hello,’ I said. ‘You didn’t tell me we have a guest. Go get changed out of your uniforms, and when you get back I’ll have a snack ready for your friend.’ I thanked my lucky stars they had only brought one guest home and looked at the girl standing between Armineh and Arsineh, shifting from one foot to the other. She was taller than the twins, but sandwiched between their chubby pink and white faces, she seemed pale and thin. Armen was standing a few steps behind them, chewing gum, and looking at the girl’s blond locks. His white shirt had come untucked, and the three top buttons were undone. He must have got into a scuffle with someone, as usual. I set out a fourth glass and plate on the table, thinking, I hope I won’t get summoned to the school again.

  Armineh stood on tiptoes and placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder. ‘We met Emily on the bus.’

  Arsineh stroked Emily’s hair. ‘They just moved to G-4.’

  I took another roll out of the breadbox. How could I have missed the move-in? G-4 was the house across the street, just opposite us.

  Armineh broke my train of thought. ‘They moved in yesterday.’

  Arsineh continued, ‘While we were at the Club.’

  Both of them twirled around to the girl. Armineh’s pocket was torn at the corner for the umpteenth time. ‘Sophie used to live in G-4.’

  Without even looking, I knew the seam of Arsineh’s pocket was torn, too. ‘Sophie’s mother is Auntie Nina.’

  Armineh’s white collar strings were untied. ‘Uncle Garnik, Sophie’s dad...’

  Arsineh also undid her collar strings. ‘Gosh, he’s funny! Isn’t he, Armineh?’

  Armineh nodded quickly. ‘He makes us crack up so much, we almost die laughing.’

  I undid both of their collars and eyed the new girl, whose attention was not wholly focused on the twins. She stood, hands clasped behind her, looking furtively all around. Her lips were flushed pink, as though she had lipstick on. I split the fourth roll in half and said, ‘Wash your hands...AND faces.’

  When they left the room, my pessimistic streak began gnawing away at me as usual. What was the girl staring at so intently? Had she spotted any dirt? Maybe she thought the kitchen old-fashioned or cluttered? My optimistic streak came to my defense: Your kitchen may be a bit cramped, but it is never dirty. Anyway, who cares what somebody’s little girl thinks? I spread some cheese over the butter and put the sandwich on the fourth plate.

  I looked around the kitchen, at the dried flowers, the clay jugs on top of the cupboards, the strings of red chili peppers and garlic hanging on the wall. My optimistic streak was comforting: other women may not decorate their kitchens this way, but it looks beautiful to you. So even if your mother and sister laugh, or your friends and acquaintances make remarks about how Clarice’s kitchen reminds them of the witch’s hut in Hansel and Gretel, you shouldn’t change your taste to accommodate theirs. You shouldn’t let what people say offend you, and you shouldn’t... The flower box on the window ledge caught my eye. I should have changed the soil.

  Armen came back to the kitchen before the girls, hands and face all washed. He had wet his hair and combed it back at the sides, leaving the bangs hanging down into his eyes. He was wearing his favorite black shirt, sporting a picture of a huge bighorn ram’s head. Maybe the daily nagging was having an effect little by little, and my fifteen-year-old son was finally learning to keep clean and neat. I wished my mother were there to see it.

  I poured some milk in to a glass. ‘I wish Nana were here to see it.’

  He picked up the glass. ‘See what?’

  I sat down across the table and gazed at him, chin propped in my hand. ‘That her grandson doesn’t only comb his hair and put on clean clothes for the Club or for a party. That he listens now, and keeps himself clean and neat even around the house.’ I reached out to caress his cheek, but he yanked his head back.

  ‘Don’t! You’ll mess up my hair.’ My hand hung in the air for a second. I picked up the salt shaker, though I had no need for it.

  Arsineh and Armineh were holding Emily’s hands, leading her into the kitchen. ‘Come along. Don’t be shy. Come!’

  Emily looked at me, her big eyes like shiny black marbles. I smiled at her. ‘Come on in, Emily.’ Armen got up from the table and pulled out a chair for her. I was dumbfounded – this was not one of the items on my list of daily reminders for him.

  Armineh and Arsineh fired off their usual alternating barrage of words:

  ‘Emily has come to Abadan with her grandmother and father.’

  ‘I wish we had straight hair, just like Emily’s.’

  ‘Emily is three years older than us.’

  ‘Emily used to go to school in Masjed-Soleiman.’

  ‘She’s been to school in London, too.’

  ‘She’s been
to school in Caklutta, too.’

  Armen broke out laughing. ‘Not Caklutta, you dimwit. Calcutta.’

  The twins tuned him out. ‘Mom, see how white Emily’s hands are!?’

  ‘Just like Rapunzel’s.’

  Armen, who was surreptitiously eyeing Emily, burst out laughing again. This time the twins bristled. Before they began bickering, I broke in to explain: ‘Rapunzel is Arsineh’s doll.’

  Armineh said, ‘We already told her on the bus.’ She downed the last of her milk and held the empty glass out to me.

  Arsineh took a bite out of her sandwich and said, mouth full, ‘That’s why she came over...’

  Armineh continued ‘...to see Rapunzel for just a sec and run back home. Milk, please.’

  I poured some milk for Armineh and told Arsineh, ‘We don’t talk with our mouths full.’

  Armineh took a sip of milk. ‘Otherwise, Emily doesn’t have permission to go over to anybody’s house.’

  Arsineh said, ‘Her grandmother will scold...’

  Together they shouted, ‘Oh no!’ And they stared at Emily. Armineh had a milk moustache.

  I pulled a Kleenex from the tissue box and gave it to Armineh. ‘Around the lips.’ Then I turned to the girl. ‘Did you tell your grandmother that—’ Just then the doorbell rang.

  Emily jumped up. I had made it to the middle of the hallway when it rang a second time. I stepped over the satchels dumped on the hall floor and opened the door. I did not see anyone in front of me at eye-level and had to lower my gaze a long way down before I saw her. She was short. Very short. About up to my elbow. She had on a kind of flower-patterned smock and a knitted black shawl, which she had tied around her waist. She wore a pearl necklace, three strands wide. A frog croaked in the grass and the short woman practically yelled, ‘Is Emily here?’

  I was agitated. ‘These kids! They never do what you tell them.’

  She clutched at her necklace. ‘She’s not here?’

  She turned around to go, so I blurted out, ‘She is here! I’ve only just found out that she came without telling anyone. You must have been worried.’

  She let go of the necklace and closed her eyes. ‘Thoughtless child!’

  ‘I know exactly how you feel. If it were me, I would have been worried, too. Do come in.’

  She opened her eyes and looked up, as if she had only just noticed me. She stared at my face and then quickly smoothed her hair, which was tied in a bun at the back. ‘Forgive me. That brainless child made me forget myself.’ Her hair was all white. She stretched out her hand, ‘I am Elmira Simonian. Emily’s grandmother.’

  The unseen frog croaked again, and this time it was answered by a louder croak from another frog. I was flustered. Maybe it was because of her short stature, or the pearl necklace at four in the afternoon, or her woolen shawl in this heat, or her very formal manner. Or maybe it was those damned frogs; despite living so many years in Abadan, I had never gotten used to the sight and sound of them. I wiped my hand on my apron and offered it to her. ‘I am Clarice...Ayvazian.’ And why did I find myself mimicking the tiny creature in front of me?

  She squeezed my hand so hard, my wedding ring dug into my fingers. She squinted at me. ‘The Ayvazians from Julfa?’ The wrinkles around her eyes were symmetrical in size and shape, as if someone had meticulously etched them in. I could hear my mother’s voice in my ear: ‘Why don’t you wear your wedding band on your left hand, like every other woman?’

  I explained that Ayvazian was my husband’s surname. ‘The Ayvazians of Tabriz. My mother was born in Isfahan. Arshalus Voskanian. Do you know her?’ My sister would have sneered, ‘But then how would people know that Miss Clarice is not like every other woman?’

  She smoothed her hair again. ‘If I knew her family nickname I might recognize her. It’s been a long time since I was in Julfa.’

  I hemmed and hawed. The nicknames the Armenians of the Julfa district in Isfahan gave one another were not chosen with a particular eye for kindness. They used to call my mother’s grandfather ‘Missak the Blabbermouth,’ which I, of course, had no particular desire for everyone to know. Fortunately my tiny new neighbor did not seem to expect a reply. She shifted from one foot to the other. ‘Could you call Emily, please? I have a lot to do.’

  I stepped aside. ‘Do please come in. She’s having an after-school snack with the children.’

  She clutched at her necklace again. ‘Snack?’

  There was no croaking of the frogs now, but I was still flustered. ‘Cheese sandwiches with milk.’ Why was I explaining this?

  She lowered her gaze to the little cross around my neck and stared. ‘She doesn’t like cheese. And she absolutely has to have her milk warmed up. With two teaspoons of honey.’ She was yelling again.

  It felt as though I had administered the wrong medicine to a patient. Before I could say another word, she barged in, hopped three times over the scattered satchels, and found the kitchen. I kicked the satchels aside and followed.

  Emily was pressed up against the wall. The pressure of her slim body was tearing the etching of Sayat Nova, whose silhouette was facing Emily. It crossed my mind that the beloved ‘Gozal’ whom Sayat Nova addressed in his poems must have looked very much like Emily.

  This time the grandmother really did shout. ‘If I had not seen you come in here from our window, I suppose I would have had to search for you all over town?’

  The twins stared at her, open-mouthed. From the look on Armen’s face as he watched this short woman, I was convinced he was about to burst out laughing any second. In order both to distract him and to steer the conversation in another direction, I asked, ‘Emily, why didn’t you tell me you don’t like cheese and cold milk?’ All eyes turned to her empty plate and glass. Mortified, I looked at the grandmother. ‘When kids get together, you know...’

  Paying no attention to me, she turned to Emily and roared, ‘Get going!’ The girl scampered out of the kitchen like a rabbit on the run.

  I closed the front door and watched them through the lace curtain of the window panel. At the end of the front path, near the spot where we had planted the larkspurs, the grandmother raised her hand and gave the granddaughter a hard smack on the back of the neck. I straightened out the pleats of the lace curtain and headed back down the hallway, hoping the children had not been at the kitchen window to see the beating their friend had just received.

  Armineh was standing on the chair in the kitchen, her stomach thrust forward. Facing Arsineh, she shouted, ‘Get going!’ The three of them cracked up. I tried hard not to laugh, but could not help myself. Armineh was almost as tall as Mrs. Simonian and had a brilliant knack for mimicking people.

  2

  The twins’ bedroom had its old familiar smell. A sweet smell, the kind of smell that could lull a person to sleep. Artoush called it ‘the rice pudding smell.’ Armen’s room had lost that smell long ago.

  I found Armineh’s teddy bear, Ishy – God only knows how it got that name – under the piano lid and placed him in her arms. She would not go to sleep at night without Ishy cradled in her arms, but every other night, Ishy would mysteriously disappear. I straightened out the long, thin arms and legs of Rapunzel the Blond, a doll named after the heroine in The Little Blond Princess, and handed her to Arsineh. On my way to close the curtains, my foot knocked into something on the rug. I bent over and picked up a wooden yo-yo. I told the twins, both of them chanting ‘Story, story!’, that I was too tired and not up to telling them one. To make up for it, I told them that in the morning they could pick flowers from the garden for Miss Manya, their favorite teacher – so long as they promised not to trample over all the other flowers in the process.

  I put the yo-yo in the toy chest, drew the curtains, kissed the twins, said good night and went to Armen’s room. He was in bed, reading a magazine. I picked his navy blue trousers and white school shirt off the floor and hung them up in the wardrobe. I went over to tidy up his writing desk, making him frown. I sat on the edge of his bed and l
ooked at the large color poster of Alain Delon and Romy Schneider that he had thumbtacked to the wall. Written in thick Persian calligraphy at the bottom of the picture was:

  Betrothed for Eternity

  A Norouz gift from Tehran Illustrated

  Romy Schneider had grey eyes and a cold smile. I felt like reaching up and pushing back the hair falling over Alain Delon’s eyes. I remembered, ‘You’ll mess up my hair.’

  Then, for the thousandth time, I gave Armen an earful – it isn’t funny at all to hide the twins’ toys, and furthermore, you do not call your sister the town idiot in front of other people. I kept at it until he pulled the sheet over his head and said, ‘Alright, alright, alright already.’

  The moment I shut Armen’s door, the twins called out, ‘Mommmmmyyyy!’ I looked in on them. They were sitting cross-legged on their beds in their red and yellow plaid pyjamas, which I had bought from the Kuwaiti Bazaar a few weeks before.

  Armineh asked, ‘Why is Emily’s grandmother...’ and here she held Ishy in front of her face.

  Arsineh finished her sister’s sentence. ‘Why is she so short?’

  Every night they found some excuse to stay awake longer. ‘Tomorrow night,’ I said. ‘I’ll explain tomorrow night. Now it’s time for night-night.’

  Armineh lowered Ishy so I could see her face. ‘Then at least tell us a story.’

  My hand was on the light switch. ‘Didn’t I tell you I was tired? Tomorrow night.’

  Arsineh cocked her head. ‘Just one little story?’

  Armineh also cocked her head. ‘Just one teeny tiny story?’

  I looked at them. In their twin beds with the identical sheets, pillowcases, and pyjamas, they were like Xerox copies of one another. As usual, I gave in. I frowned in fun, and said, ‘A teeny, tiny one. Okay?’

  They squealed in tandem, ‘Goody!’ and crawled under the covers, waiting excitedly.

  I began. ‘Once upon a time there were two sisters. Everything about them looked exactly the same. Their eyes and eyebrows, their nose and mouth, their school satchels, their recess snacks. One day, these two sisters...’

  The twins loved to hear stories that I made up myself, featuring them as the heroines. I was still sprinkling fairy dust when their eyelids began to droop. I closed with the usual fairytale ending: ‘Three apples dropped from the sky...’